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Monday, July 19, 2010
How beautiful life can be.
Haven't really been turning to my blog in quite a while.Whats been occupying my time? Its like a routine every week. Weekdays are either spent in school or out with girlfriends. Keeping myself as busy as I can be. Then weekends are reserved for him, quality time with him. (: So I counted, its been a month plus since he enlisted into army. I must admit starting of everything was so hard for me to pass, I broke down so many times, its like almost everyday I'm tearing and whining and my mind is fucked pretty badly. But now, things are getting much better at least. Its just once in a while where my mind gets fucked again and I start getting whiny and emotional again. Thats when I start thinking and tears when I talk to him on the phone. And lately, been feeling so back again. And it terribly sucks. I was doing just fine, why was it back again all of a sudden? I hope Darling won't be too irritated by me emoing too much whenever Sunday is here. Its just, the feeling is so fucked up. Yet another week. Its what makes me sad and emotional at the thought of it. I try my best to be strong, I really am trying. I fought back my tears so many times already, but some still won the fight with me. :( His PTP is going to end soon, in a couple of weeks. Then comes his BMT, and he has already told me that this period of time is indeed gonna be fast moving for him and he'll be so tired and there's no time for rest. I pretty much hope he'll be fine and can hold on tight. And I'll still remain as his source of motivation and energy for as long as he wants me to. Because I know that if I were in his shoes, I would definitely want him to drop me sweet messages from time to time and be there to support me, to let me know that he has my back when I'm down and out. That is why, I know how it feels and I want him to feel that exact way I want to be feeling. And I'm very thankful that though the call times are getting shorter due to his tight schedule and overtrained body, but he still makes it a point to call however late it is. And however late it is, he knows I'm always there waiting for that call before I go to bed for the night. I'm thankful for this, and its still what I look forward to the most in a day. To hear his voice, to listen to his complaints, to tell him about my day, to encourage him and motivate him, vice versa, to be there for each other and to wish each other good night with a "kiss" before we end our night and its yet another day when we're awake. A long day of training for him, a day at school or out with friends for me, a day of missing him so much and not being able to be there with him for me. But whatever it is, I used to not feel his love as much. But now, I know I'm important to him, I know that I'm part of his life and I'm his source of motivation to push on. I know he loves me a lot. And he's everything that is to me too. I love how he always blushes and smiles like a silly boy whenever I disturb him, with his cheeky smiling face. It makes me smiles too. I'm happy that he spends most of his book out time with me and makes it a point to spend time with me and be with my side. I appreciate it, I really do. Cause weekends are the only time we can be together, doing whatever we liked, together that is. And weekends are the only time I can feel his hug, have his kiss, where he can sense that I'm not happy and do things to make me happy or distract me from my fucked mind. And weekends, I'm most happy, I know he knows this. So Darling, I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me. And every feelings you've given me, and I can see your efforts to keep our relationship going. I know you don't know how to express yourself well and you don't always hang sweet nothings on your mouth all the time like how some guys are. But I love you and you're the one I wanna be with now, cause you make me safe and happy in your arms. I know when I'm out with you, I don't have to worry about a thing, because you're there. And you being there for me is enough. I love you, JJ Hu. Happy 20th birthday, Darling. (: And I'm coughing my lungs out as I'm typing this post. Argh. No more fried food for me, time to be healthy, this cough is irritating. |
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