#32: goodbye 2009, hi there 2010! (;
This post is pre-typed, a few days before Year 2009 comes to an end, and before we wave a big hello and offer a warm hug to welcome Year 2010’s arrival. So, what have you done this Year 2009? What are your memorable events that you’ll never forget about in 2009? And what are the most precious gains and bitter loses this 2009? And perhaps, what are your resolutions for Year 2010?
(Shit, talking about resolutions, I did not complete my resolutions for Year 2009. I need to dig them out, but I can’t find my blog link for that post. Result of switching blog hosts and blog links too much.)
Here is mine.
What have I done in Year 2009?
In Year 2009, I’m in the third and final year of my poly life.
Made new friends, lose some close friendships too. Trade off. Went overseas with the school, for DIOM China trip during my birthday period. Celebrated my 20th birthday in Overseas for the first time, celebrated my birthday in China. Fell for the wrong guys too much, broke my heart a little more than I should. And got over it, a little better than I thought I could. Started to regret a number of things, regretted not performing my best for the first two years in my tertiary education. And on a good note, learnt from the regrets and tried to perform better for my last semester in RP. Aren’t the best, but still going on good, and it should get better. Cried for the first time over education matters after so many years (FYP was the cause). Realized parents cared a lot that they told me not to stress myself too much over school if I really can’t cope. To let it be, be my best, do my best. And also for the first time felt so stressed up by projects, Professional Profiling in Year 2 was so no-kick, come to think of FYP put beside it. Relationship wise, neglected a number of close ones, am highly guilty of it. Regret it, but there seems to be no good solution for it. I always hoped I do not have to forsake some friends for another, but I always ended up not being able to. I always ended up having to give up or forsake some to gain others. Okay, thought of this nonsensical one.
Played sparklers for the first time I can remember of during lantern festival celebrations with Huimin. Am glad till the end of Year 2009, this 14 over years of friendship with her is still there, the closeness is still there though we don’t contact all the time. But, am really very glad our friendship managed to get this far. She’s one good friend that has seen through me in all stages of my life, one friend that my family knows of well. And I’m really very glad that this year, 2009, she is still part of my life. I love this girl of mine to bits, I swear. Through her loudness, her crappiness, her volume, her everything, she’s the one who shows me concern, who I can just go to and she knows that she can just pop by my house to find me when she needs someone close to her to talk to. This is what our friendship brings. And that 20th birthday surprise where you popped up on my place the day before I went over to China. Love that surprise a lot, and the cushion is still beside me every night. And the frame and mirror that is used to remind me to be happy everyday. Babe, if you’re reading this, thank you for everything okay.
Year 2009 has been so eventful, as far as I can recall of. What was the most memorable and most unforgettable event of this year that I can never forget? China trip from August 26th to September 2nd with the school was one. I had great company with me, Sokky, Serena, JJ. And then, the rest of the SOT crew for the laughter.
Then, got to know more friends, got closer to them. Some just remained as hi-bye, a few I do hang out with. Hanis, Serena, Ruth, Sokky, we girls do love shopping in China uh! Thanks to JJ for looking out for us in China during our shopping trips too. Thanks for just being there with us, being the only guy with us during all our shopping trips.
And sokky, I won’t forget that you’re the most of my China trip memories okay, since you’re my room mate for that one week, and our dirty little secrets that only we know k! Thanks for everything you’ve done for me too, for the concern during FYP days, for looking out for me during the China trip too. For being so sweet and bringing my 20th birthday present all the way from Singapore to China, just to give it to me on my birthday itself. Speaking of my birthday, thanks to the whole China trip crew for the surprise though I sort of guessed it at the restaurant. Thanks to my lovely girls for collaborating with JJ for the mini surprise on the dot of my 20th birthday. Thanks for both surprises.
Celebrated my 20th birthday in China was one great one too, and also the first time I was away from my family on my birthday. Oh, for the first time I was away from my family for a period of 7 days and being able to not miss them at all during the trip. I’d thought I would be crying in the hotel room in the night because I miss Mommy. But I didn’t, in fact it was my friends that made it possible. Also the concern from my friends and Mr Supervisor, Miss Koh and the tour guides when I officially got ill on the last day of the trip, major discomfort.
Major events, what else. Year 2009 was the year some unhappiness happened between A & B. End of Year 2009 was the year that the two of them got better and sort of kicked the past behind them. I felt happy for them, a lot happier. Year 2009 was the year I got so stressed up with my FYP I that I got into a major quarrel, cold war and heated argument with my Mommy. And I did the silliest things because of it, was truly sorry for that. Glad to know that friends cared too, during the times when I was so stressed up.
FYP, major thanks to my FYP team mates no matter what, Sokky, JJ, Fang Yuan, and Bingao. Thank you for just being in the team, we got through all the nonsense together, let’s just endures for one final few weeks! Cheese fries, I know. Thank you for tolerating with my naggings, and constant bugging during the FYP days (in which I’m still going to), sorry but that was for the better of the team. And also for teaching me along the way when I don’t understand a shit, thanks just for helping, working together. Thank you too, Mr Liu for the supervision, though it turned out to be more stress for me. (;
My most precious gains this Year 2009 was not something materialistic, not something physical, not something of high value. But it’s friendship. And I hope these friendships do not die off by end of Year 2010, nor 2011, nor 2012. Nor as far as I can tell of. Relationships with family and friends are the most precious things that I ever possessed, and it’s the most precious things that I hope I can never lose any.
Bitter loses this Year 2009, was friendship matters too. I didn’t exactly lose those friendships, but it kind of got on the down side. My dear Ting Hui, Felicia and Cheryl, sorry that I’ve been neglecting you all a whole lot after we changed classes. My bad, my bad. But I’m having difficulties balancing out myself, so yeah. I’m so sorry, but you all know I love you all right; at least you were the ones who were with me to get through a lot of shit together too, since year 2 Semester 1 when I first knew you all in the class. Let’s go out together soon when 2010 comes okay. I hope it wouldn’t be too weird then. Because you three are in the same FYP team, you all will outcast me. But I hope not. Let’s go shop and slack at our usual chilling places okay, I miss going there with you all, it feels just weird. Thank you for being part of my 2009 too, a huge part.
The last bit of my tertiary school life is coming to an end soon. That is then when I bid goodbye to RP, I will not be taking 168 to school every day, not the usual 169/902 every morning anymore. When 2010 comes, its time to bid goodbye to going to Woodlands interchange with the usuals, slacking in school with the usuals.
This year, my classes have been good. Am pretty glad that God made my last semester of my final year a great one, this year I met new friends, and new classmates that I could totally crap with. And they’re always the reasons why I go to school and why I am motivated to perform in class, partly it’s because I know I need that last boost before there’s no chance left for me. The other is of course them who made everyday enjoyable for me, no matter how worse the lessons gets. They who helped me along the lesson when I meet with problems, they who make me laugh and cheer me up when they sense that I’m not behaving like my usual self. They are the ones who can instantly sense that there is something’s up with me when I go all quiet, I don’t have to wait, they might be afraid to talk to me when I’m in a bad mood. But in the end, it’s their care and concern that makes me smile back again. It’s their efforts made to force me to smile and be happy. And I know who are the ones who are actually always there, more concerned about me than anyone else. And I’m sure they know who they’re, because it’s that few that I look for when I need to rant, and because it’s that few that will get me to say what’s bothering me. Thank you my motivations, Vanessa, Sokky, Yvonne, Yokeyu, Jiayu, Benjamin, JJ. (;
I always know and can sense who are the ones who care and who don’t, and who act like they care, but actually don’t bother to. But I’m thankful for having those who cares, those that will sms me from time to time to check how I’ve been. Those who will drop me messages on face book, or just check out my blog. Those that upon seeing my msn nick/pm, that will come talk to me about it, to offer a listening ear, to check that I’m okay. Those who haven’t forgotten me though we seldom have time to meet up already. Those that will offer a listening ear, I know I just need to tell them I’m not okay and they will be there to listen, to advice. In one way or another, those who have showed concerned about me when I'm down and out, through any means.
Here’s to these people especially, Vanessa, Serena, Qianyi, Huimin, Mandy, Sylvester, Xiaoben, Shunhui, Liangzhi, Eugene, and Kennedy. Oh, not forgetting, James that crazy English guy that I talk to so much. Thanks for always asking if I’m doing okay, and when I say, “I’m fine, why not?”, he’ll always go “why do you always ask me the same thing? Just wanted to see if you’re okay, if not I’ll ask you about it.” I love you all much, for being nice to me. (;
Last but not least, the last bit of my thanksgiving for 2009, before a brand new year comes. (;
The people who matters the most no matter how much I say I dislike them, or got sick of them. That is none other than my family. The ones who are blood related to me. My parents, for giving me a chance to live, for raising me up these 20 years. For offering me nothing but the best they can give me. For always trying their best to give me whatever I wish for. I got a nice comfy room to stay in, a warm home to live in, a place where I can just come home for dinner after my school. All these are made possible by my parents, my family. No matter how much they nag, how much I can’t stand their naggings and thinking sometimes, I know they always mean well. No matter how much my mum always tries to pull me down and bring me down. I need to know that I’m the most beautiful and perfect masterpiece in my parents’ eyes. I may have disappointed them many times, I may have not been able to make them feel proud about having me as their daughter, but I’m gonna stay filial to them. I hope they have the faith in me, I’m not heartless; I know how they treat me. I hope what I’m doing is acceptable to them. I hope they actually notice. Love you, thank you is never enough for them!
My brother bear, 20 years of knowing him as my elder brother. Times he gets on my nerves, times he treats me well but I simply throw it all away. But thank you for everything too. I remember when I quarreled with mum the other time, you were the one who try to stop the quarrel, to pick up my hand phone from the ground and piece it together for me again, to check that its working fine. I remember this clearly because that was the time when I felt nice to have a brother like that, to be there to make the situation better. Thank you so much, brother bear. I hope you grow up to be more sensible too. There are a lot of things that you need to act like your age. I hope you get enlightened soon. There’s so much even Mom & Dad can’t say, can’t change your mind about. Please do.
Thank you again, everyone who has made an impact or left a memory in my 2009. I really love you all. I hope 2010 will be a awesome one for you all.
If 2009 has been bad for you, throw it aside. Year 2009 will be history in 20 hours' time. Welcome 2010 with a big smile, it will be a great year ahead! XOXO.
HAPPY 2010, MY LOVES! I WISH EVERYTHING GOES WELL IN 2010. LETS ALL BE HAPPY IN 2010! (;
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
#31: FUCK.
You never cared, you never did. Even when I asked for that bit of concern, I asked for that bit of time of yours to offer that listening ear. Even as a friend, you couldn't do it. Bottom line, you just frigging don't care about me. Even as a friend, you can't even be there.
Forget it. Forget everything. I deserve better, I know I deserve better than a guy that don't even bother. This clearly shows how not important I'm. I was really pissed off, that close to crying, because of all the screwed plans. I asked for that bit of time from you. You weren't able to offer it to me. Forget it, I know how I frigging stand. You failed as a friend, you failed as a crush. You aren't that person that deserves me. You aren't that person whom I can count on.
I analyzed the situation. I analyzed everything. Do I not deserve to be treated nicely? If you care, when you know I'm upset, when you felt I needed a listening ear, even as a friend, it would be nice if you could just offer me that bit of time. But apparently, you can't be bothered to. Apparently, I'm not important as a friend at all. You talk to me only when you want to, other times I'm just invisible. No matter how hard I try to make myself visible in front of you.
I'D ENOUGH.
Faced enough of nonsense from you. Want reply then reply, don't want reply then don't reply. Talk to you halfway, you disappear. When were the few times that we could have a full and complete talk without you disappearing, without you taking forever to reply. Without me waiting forever for you to reply, then in the end you don't. And I get upset, then I buzz off and think a lot again. Is it how important I'm as a friend to everyone else?
FUCK IT.
What is it about me that is going on wrong? I'm not sad now. I'm just pissed. So pissed that my tears just starts to roll. Damn it, all of you. Just fucking get out of my life. Especially you.
I hate how much I know you're not the one. I hate how much I know it and how much I'm still hanging on in nowhere. It feels like being stuck hanging in the air. And it fucking piss me off seriously.
GET IT, DIONA?
JUST FUCKING LEAVE. JUST FUCKING FORGET ABOUT HIM. JUST FUCKING LET HIM BE, LET YOURSELF GO.
HE DON'T CARE. IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING, THEN JUST FUCKING SCREW YOURSELF OF.
And so what if it does upsets me that you don't give a fuck. So what if it does affects me a lot when I see how much you don't care.
WHAT CAN I DO? NOTHING.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
AND MY DEAR FYP TEAM MATES. WHEN I SMS YOU, CAN YOU HAVE THE BASIC COURTESY TO JUST REPLY BACK? THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.
I'm demanding, I'm unreasonable. If you don't like me, just buzz off! RIGHT NOW, NO MATTER HOW UNREASONABLE I'M, DON'T LIKE IT JUST BUZZ OFF! FUCK OFF.
And thank you so much to someone for their concern. even as a normal friend, even though I can't even meet him, he's nice enough to spot that I'm upset everytime and just drop a message to me or a comment on facebook to concern. Its really appreciated!
I'M IN NO MOOD. BYE.
Monday, December 28, 2009
#30: this is gonna be vulgar.
Feeling very emotional and mixed feeling suddenly. Then, as you know, I'll always turn to my blog to listen to my words and feelings. But every time I talk about those things that I'm unhappy about, no one seems to understand. Its all in bits and pieces, only I'll piece them up and understand what I'm feeling. Not because no one bothers, but because I don't let them understand. Because I don't know how else to make them understand. And I don't see a need to bother other people with my problems too. (;
I don't know why. But I can't stand the way some people behave. I can't stand the ego, I can't stand the pride issue. I can't stand how people can just behave that way. Why can't we just remove that bit of ego, that bit of pride issue and just solve the issue. The point about getting attention, about trying to make oneself feels superior because he/she is wanted and that he/she is on the upper hand. I hate how it made my friends behave. I hate all the silly things that people do. I dislike seeing and facing people who just wants to get on the upper hand and feel very much wanted. But humans are just like that. Ah, crap that.
For that is issue number one that upsets me about my life now.
Next. I hate how I'm nowhere here, nowhere there. Dislike the fact that I'm nowhere in place and getting nowhere. I can't get forward, I get pushed back to where I started off from. I can't move backwards too, because my heart don't want to let me let it end. That is the crucial part, I fear to go ahead, but I dread it even more to let things end. I don't know what to do with it, I don't have the courage, I don't have the strength. I don't know what to do, I just let it be. Wait for sky to drop, wait for miracle to appear.
This is issue number two in my life now that gets me frustrated.
Next. My FYP. Its hanging, nothing is done this holidays. I want to get something done, but my heart and my mind just won't frigging budge. And I know the consequence if I let this holidays end neglecting my FYP. I jolly well know the heavy consequences. And I'm fucking frustrated.
That will be going back to school, on Wednesday school reopens, when we face our supervisor, no one is gonna respond, our supervisor will be waiting for someone to speak up about what is being done, to update him. No one will get the ball rolling, because apparently nothing is done.
Then, I'll have to speak up because as the leader, I feel I need to be responsible for the progress. Leader for the second time, I don't learn, I don't really learn from my lessons uh. Adding on invisible stress to the whole self-proclaimed "I'm supposed to be responsible" shit.
Then, when I start speaking, I screw things up and don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Then, it gets everyone confused, I get confused, our supervisor gets confused. Then, I land myself in deep shit. Not knowing how else to speak up to, not knowing what to carry on with.
Then, what else. Week 10/11 of FYP starts, we get stuck there again, no progress again. I don't know how to fill up the Project Manager, I delay the time to send our supervisor the Project Manager. Then, ended up I get bombarded with web mails and guilt, and stress.
So, I send it, things are solved, for that week.
Progress is still not going on well. What happens then?
Snowball, procrastinate. Drag to next week, Week 11/12 starts, same things. Nothing to show Supervisor. I get worried, I get frustrated, I feel that stress. Dig my own grave again. Then feel guilty and heavily responsible again. Then, worsen my medical condition myself, kick my own grave. Really.
Then what. FYP assessment closing in close to Week 15. Rush report, try to get everyone involved, try to split the work, messed up the whole damn report. Then kanchiong, stress, then what. Suck balls. Rush poster.
Day for assessment comes, Week 15. Panick, before that cry. Before that stress until can die. Team mates tell me don't stress. I flare up. I lose my temper. I screw my own assessment up.
You know what, I just predicted all these will happen in coming weeks. Believe it or not.
AND RIGHT NOW, I'M FRIGGING NOT UPDATED WITH HOW THE TWO OF MY TEAM MATES ARE DOING WITH THEIR SURFACE RESPONSE EXPERIMENT. SMSES SENT, MAILS SENT, ASKING FOR UPDATES WITH THEIR PROGRESS.
Know what?
NO REPLY.
FML.
I JUST NEED TO TOLERATE IT FOR 6 MORE WEEKS. FML.FML.FML.Fuck FYP OKAY.
And F everything else.
#29: VERY BORED.
K, I got something to declare! I'm bored & VERY bored. So quizzes, here we go. (;
You can skip this post, & jump to the next recent post, if you're not interested in this. (; .
Does your name begin with: D Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on.
You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humor. When people bother to look deep inside, they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .
What does music say about you?
You're hurt! You listen to music that has a lot of emotional lyrics which you enjoy and can understand.
"Hey you, I think I tried enough. I thought you felt that same way I do. I don't think you feel the same way I do, because if you did. You'll care more, you'll want to talk more, you'll be there more. This holidays, I tested it out. I talked to you, texted you. I tried to show you concern more. I tried all that my friends told me to do, & I tried all that I felt was right and appropriate. But its not working on you. So, I guess I sort of know what to do? That I sort of know you're not interested? But I don't know how to carry that out. Because I think I do like you. Disappointed as I'm. I hope you still care. I hope you did cared, like how you did during the last holidays. It did made me smile, you know? Those concern and words of advices for me when I was down then. It came at the very right time & I deeply appreciate that. But all's gone now, no more the care & concern. Where did they go to? Till New Year Eve."
OKAY, NOTHING INTERESTING. GOOD BYE. (;
#28: through the bits & pieces of my mind.
Woke up to an sms this afternoon at 1 plus, though I slept at close to 5am this morning. I think the Owl in me is back. RAH.
So, as usual, Best saw my Mom again. She's always bumping into my Mom outside. And she even told my Mom about our BKK trip! BKK IN MARCH. YAY! LOLOLOL.
And she I tweeted when I was still in bed. I swear she's either bumping into my Mom or my Dad all the time. 不愧是我的 childhood family friend. (;
And I woke up to this too, Dad fetched it from the mail box. A pretty little Christmas card. Thank you. (;
The drawing is so cute, I love to receive festive cards, especially hand made ones with lots of self penned words. (;
A sugary candy cane in the Christmas Card. My second candy cane for this present. But I'm not gonna eat them. );
Brother Bear got me the sake body lotion as Christmas Gift. Thank you, Brother Bear. (;
Right, my hair growth accelerator. Did I mention, I've been dropping so much hair everyday. When I just brush through my hair, lots of hair falls. If I don't do something about it, sooner or later I'm gonna be bald. And I don't want that to happen, I need my hair to grow fast. So, recommended by Nessa, I got it. Hope it will really help my hair condition now. );
YAY. CHOI SI WON!
Mad Cute Korean Boy! (;
Okay, time to go. My laptop is lagging away now, while I'm doing the Disk Clean up. Superb getting on my nerves. CIAO CIAO.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
#27: Merry X'mas post. (;
Tuesday got back from Malaysia. Wednesday went grocery shopping, for those things I need for baking on Thursday. Thursday stayed home, baked. (;
Strawberries from Korea.
Couldn't find redder ones anywhere near my place. );
Processed the strawberries to strawberry puree.
Cuppy cakes.
Okay, happy birthday.
What more can I say about this?
Those cupcakes that looked better & fuller.
Friday, which was x'mas day. Was booked to celebrate Sokky's 21st as well. Supposedly to meet up with quite a few of them. As promised was Sokky, Azim, Yvonne, Yoke, Ben, Vanessa & me. In the end, turned out to be just me, Vanessa & Ben. Don't know what to say about that. Just received loads of sorries from them on X'mas day.
Never mind, though it was only the 3 of us in the end. It was well spent quality time for catch up. But Ben left in the evenings to meet up with his friends. So in the end, the night was left with just me & Vanessa. Love you lah, bitch. (;
Took neoprints, we tried to drag Ben in, but he refused, why guys don't like to take neoprints?
Then, walked around town. Everywhere was so crowded. Caught Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 at 9.55pm. Missed 2 slots before that cause no good seats. It was awesome, the movie was funny, should watch! I want a chipmunk for a pet too. HAHA. (;
After movie ended was about 1130pm. Settled somewhere, thinking to catch night rider back. In the end, we thought the buses were extended. So, we separated ways & tried to catch a bus. Past midnight, bitch called saying she missed the bus. So, she took a cab back home straight.
I walked to the first bus stop, okay missed. So, I went to the NR bus stop, the bus stop was empty, the roads along Orchard Road was blocked till 1am. In the end, I took a cab back home too. Should have followed bitch and just take a cab home.
Nevertheless, back home was 1am already. Chit chatted online, all the usuals. Then, headed to bed at about 3 plus 4am. (;
From them, cupcakes, cookies & card. (;
Vanessa's share.
My share.
Left: Ben's cookies. Right: Van's cupcakes.
I got a whole series of bitch's x'mas cuppy cakes. (;
And so, had a good night sleep. About 12 hours of sleep, woke up @ 4 plus today. The weather was prefect to get me lazing in bed more. It was raining and all so breezy. (;
Okay, thank you for the fun yesterday, Vanessa & Ben. Though plans were pretty screwed up yesterday. And that I was pretty pissed for some moment. Next outing, you all organize already okay. (;
So what about yours? Did you have a Merry X'mas?
Santa did not drop me anything, what about you?
. . .
Some quotes as I was surfing. (;
"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." - John Lennon
"What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels." - St Augustine
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left." - Marilyn Monroe
"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind."
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa
"Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!" - Kenya Mitchell
"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
And the one I find so true. Do you agree with this, girls? Don't you wish, don't you wish? (;
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU. The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her!"
Thursday, December 24, 2009
#26: A special post, SURPRISE! (;
See lah, Lover. I totally want to kill you okay, kill you on your birthday. No way, I'm not that cruel. (;
But you see, you always don't want to take photos with me. Then take with others, in the end when I want to look for photos of us. The photos are so little that I need to take those ugly ones too. Don't like you already, better take more photos. Before we graduate from RP, then lesser chance to meet.
Yeah man, so back to main point. Its your 21st birthday today! So, here for you! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR LOVER! I LOVE YOU MANY MANY. (don't complain mushy okay!)
Shall see you tomorrow. Hope you're enjoying your 21st now. Whatever that's left to say, you'll see it elsewhere. (:
And I haven't got your mini cooper for you as promised.
that is gonna cost me a bomb, and I don't have that bomb yet.
so, don't be disappointed that you're not getting, your mini cooper!
Okay, bye bye. Love you! (; XOXO
from your lover, Diona
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
#25: I'm back from Mom's hometown. (:
I'm back yo! Okay, I know it. I'm only gone for about 24 hours to be exact. Left on Monday evening, got back on Tuesday night.
And thanks to HM, for welcoming me back home! Right when I tweeted about me being back in Singapore. thanks for being such a nice friend, calling me to say this, "Its good to have you back." (;
Nevertheless, this trip was alright though it was short! At least, I feel the situation is getting better now. & it looks like it got onto the brighter side, & of course that's awesome great. (;
I stuffed myself like an hot air balloon in Malaysia. Blown up, blown up, blowing up like hot air balloon. But I'm always that pampered and well fed in Malaysia. What else, ferried here & there. Eat this & that. But I really like & enjoy the closeness there. And its all that matters right. (;
Okay, I'm back, back to reality & this starts to suck. I totally neglected my FYP & Marketing Competition. I haven't touched a shit about those, & I feel guilty. Its about time I enjoyed the last bit of my official holidays, & get my butt down to do those things I'm supposed to. Saving my last week of my holidays for FYP report. ):
Thinking about it makes me ... I don't know how to describe. That sense of responsibility & burden is, overpowering stress, shit FYP, shit school. BOO. AH BOO. AH BOO BOO.
On a brighter note, I'm almost finishing my tertiary education. I'm almost getting out of RP soon, very dumb soon. But on a bad side, I don't know what are my plans after I graduate. And having no plans simply sucks balls. ]:
Okay, its pretty late now. I'm about to go to bed soon! But Van's still on the phone. I might need to ditch her on the webcam soon! HAHAHA. :x
Christmas is almost here. very soon Year 2009 will be gone. And here comes Year 2010! I hope its a better year for me, my family & my friends! It should keep getting better please! (;
Night night, good bye. (:
Monday, December 21, 2009
#24: live like we're dying, love.
Sometimes we fall down and cant get back up, Were hiding behind skin that's too tough. How come we don't say I love you enough. Till its to late, its not too late.
Our hearts are hungry for a food that wont come, We could make a feast from these crumbs. And were all staring down the barrel of a gun. So if your life flashed before you. What would you wish you would've done.
Yeah gotta start, Lookin' at the hand of the time we've been given here. This is all we got and we gotta start pickin' it, Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'. Gotta live like were dying, We only got, 86 400 seconds in a day to, Turn it all around or throw it all away.
We gotta tell em that we love em. While we got the chance to say, Gotta live like were dying, And if your plane fell out of the skies, Who would you call with your last goodbyes. Should be so careful who we live out our lives. So when we long for absolution. There'll no one on the line.
Yeah gotta start, Lookin' at the hand of the time we've been given here, This is all we got and we gotta start pickin' it. Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'. Gotta live like were dying. We only got, 86 400 seconds in a day to, Turn it all around or throw it all away.
We gotta tell em that we love em, While we got the chance to say, Gotta live like were dying. Like were dying oh - like were dying [x2]
We only got, 86 400 seconds in a day to. Turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell em that we love em, While we got the chance to say, Gotta live - like were dying.
We never know a good thing till its gone, You never see a crash until its head on, All those people right when were dead wrong, You never know a good thing till its gone.
Yeah gotta start, Lookin' at the hand of the time we've been given here. This is all we got and we gotta start livin' it, Every second counts on a clock that's tickin', Gotta live like were dying. We only got, 86 400 seconds in a day to, Turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell em that we love em, While we got the chance to say, Gotta live like were dying. Like were dying oh - like were dying [x2]
We only got, 86 400 seconds in a day to, Turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell em that we love em, While we got the chance to say, Gotta live like were dying, Live like were dying.
(:
冬至快乐！跟家人一起吃汤圆吧！ I just ate my 汤圆s, yummm. 5 in Singapore, don't know how many in Malaysia. LOL.
Waiting for time to pass, a few more hours to go. then gotta get ready, leaving home at 4pm.
Alright, gotta download videos to my phone now. While listening to my MTV hits. (;
Good bye. I can't wait to see my friends. Misses. (;
we really gotta live like we're dying.
23rd: away for a bit. (:
Diona's going to be away for a bit. Won't be coming online for a while, going over to Malaysia with my Mom. Won't be having internet access there.
So yeah, wait for me to be back. Though I'm not very sure when I'll be back. (:
After I get back, have lots to do. Time is packed, packed and more packed. But I can't wait for Friday, cause. I'm meeting up with my people. And I can't wait to ____. (;
We're gonna enjoy x'mas day together k. But not sure if all will be able to make it, they seems to have a whole lot of plans. So, we shall see, everything will wait till I'm back.
Good bye, take care all. Please don't forget me and my blog. My tagboard is dying, really dying. My dear bitch and darling, I miss you two. ):
I'm tired of rotting at home, the same routine. Since holidays started on Tuesday, I haven't been officially out. For dinner with friends and family, yes.
But outings and shopping, no. Not much money to really shop to tell of too. Shopping is only fun and happy with lots of money.
I haven't been to Parkway Parade for long, the last time I dropped by could be maybe a year ago. So I plan on going soon, maybe tomorrow, if Best is willing to spend her Saturday with me. She hasn't got back to me since this evening. (:
I'll be off to Malaysia in 3 days' time, with my Mom. On Monday afternoon, preferably back on Wednesday perhaps? So goodbye to rotting at home, but rotting elsewhere. HA. Perhaps, I could do a little shopping over there? (:
So yeah, catch me back in Singapore soon. I miss my friends, its been long. I miss eating with my classmates during breaks. I miss going to CWP and snacking with them after school. I miss hanging out and taking our own sweet time to get out of RP.
And I wonder if they do miss my nonsense in class everyday too. HAHAHA, when I go crazy in class, or emo in class! HAHA.
But I don't miss the long bus trips to and fro home and RP. YAY TO NO MORE 168 RIDES FOR 3 WEEKS! YIP YIP HURRAYYYYY! :D
Sayonara to eating and drinking healthy for a while. I want to eat Roti Tissue and Roti Prata, and enjoy my Teh Bing in Malaysia at night. And its gonna come true in 3 days' time. :D
And, time of the month had better not spoil my mood. Why do girls have to tolerate with it every month? Okay, no complaints Diona, you're much better than some others!
안녕히 가세요! 좋은 휴일 되세요! Goodbye, Goodbye!
(Am so into Korean and the boys now!)
Miss you.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
#21: My best listening ears.
And this is what I call, "My blog is my best companion, my best listening ear."
Once again, holidays have became more of a disaster than joy. Its every time when I look forward to the holidays after the torture from school. Then when holidays come, I start to regret looking forward to it.
Because when I stay at home, not wanting to spend money when I go out, I do my usuals at home, then Mum starts nagging and throwing temper. She starts going on and on about me being lazy, not doing this and that.
So, I got pissed off and I do what she wants, maybe she didn't mean that. But maybe she wanted that, so I go out, almost everyday with my friends. I don't stay at home that much, I go out often till late night.
Then, know what? I guess you can guess it yourself. Yes, she starts telling my Dad, she starts complaining I'm out everyday.
Okay, now tell me what do I do? Go out or stay home and appear to be non-existent?
The reason I don't go out all the time is not because I feel too much comfort at home. I get too bored at home too, I wish I could be out everyday of my holidays too.
But I'm not working, parents don't want me to work until school is over. Over as in I graduate from school. I don't have much income except my allowance. They think its more than enough, they think my allowance is more than enough to survive.
They think, but do they know? But I'm not complaining about my allowance. I think its fine, just enough for me to survive, but I do need to practice self-control.
But I know real myself I don't have much extra to be going out everyday, and I do spend a lot when I'm out, even just for a single day. so I stay at home and rot my day and night in. On computer most of the time, surfing, chatting, gaming.
Then she starts to complain. Then I'm gonna stuff myself in my room. Plug in my earpieces, and appear to be non-existent at home. Until I get active when she's asleep, maybe that might seem better. I need her to do me a favor too, to act and just see it as my door is locked, and her daughter aren't at home at the moment, or most moments.
When my earpieces are plugged, my music is blasting. She shouts from wherever she is for me, and when I can't hear her. Reason being, MY MUSIC IS PLAYING AND I CAN'T HEAR. Doesn't she sees me plug in my earpieces all the time?! She comes banging on my door or shouting even louder for me. Crap, I don't know how to solve this one. Tough luck.
That solves it for now. Until further problems arrives. (:
Life is just contradicting. I wonder why do humans get born into the world?
Look, I'm not very upset, I'm just pissed. And this post has absolutely no link with the previous post. I'm fine the way I'm, and I'll be fine.
Just stating what I feel, thank you for listening. (:
#19: just at the right time.
Hey babies, I'm here for a real short update. I promise it will be short, not too wordy. Because I'm tired too, I need to recoup on my sleep. (:
Marketing lesson at Monday, then its holidays. 3 weeks holidays came at the right time, time to recharge energy, time to rush the endless amount of work. and time to steal some time for a short break from everything.
Lets make good use of this 3 weeks. Got to do FYP, Marketing Competition. Major tasks for this term break. (:
We can do it, final few weeks before graduation. Part of me can't wait, part of me can't bear for things to end.
I wish this holidays, I could ... I wish for .... I just want to ....
And my dear classmates & friends, please don't forget me!
I'm tired now, bed time delayed. Good night, I love you guys many. (:
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
#18: you, you, YOU.
You don't need a handsome face, you don't need a cute face. You don't need a cute smile, you don't have to be a smart boy. As long as you're sincere with me, so long as you know how to make me smile, So long as you know how to keep me happy. As long as you can prove to me that not every boy is what I have seen, so long as I can completely be myself around you. That's all that's gonna matter to me.
All those points you're not, I can take time and slowly notice them. (:
#17: God wants me to know.
On this day of your life, Diona, we believe God wants you to know ... that God sees you as you truly are, - a holy child of light:
"I see you strong and whole. I see you blessed and prospered. I see you courageous and confident. I see you capable and successful. I see you free from all limitations or bondage of any kind. I see you as the spiritually perfect being you truly are."
Here we are, me & Sokky sitting in the NEC Lab waiting for the rest to be here. I'm reminded by Joseph, 3 more weeks to complete my FYP. God Damn It. Can we make it? Please see us through. Please make it work. No Joke No Joke.
One last round and laps of efforts and hard work please.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
#16: my confessions.
Recently, I think I've changed into a different person. In my own eyes, I've changed into a mean-er person than before. Yes, I was mean in the past, but I feel I'm mean-er nowadays. I know I've gone overboard in my jokes and carried my nonsense too far sometimes. But after I think back at my actions and whatever I did, those bad comments I kept giving, I feel very guilty. I feel sinful. No joke, I'm not kidding. I do feel bad after all the laughs.
I need to change, I need to stop myself from behaving like this. I just don't feel good becoming like this. I don't know why, I seems to have endless comments and I can't keep them out of my mouth. I know its mean, I know I shouldn't be doing so. Who am I to comment, who am I to pick on people's weakness and who am I to ever go gossip about others.
I need to change. I need to stop it. I'm serious this time round. Please stop me from becoming mean-er. This is not the Diona I want to become.
I don't want to be seen as a meanie, as a fucked up person. Yes, I just spilled the profanities again. What the hell is wrong with Diona now.
So crude. So vulgar. So violent. So gossipy. So mean. So unladylike. So much more.
I did some soul searching. This is definitely not the Diona I want to be. I'm sorry if I'd been mean lately.
Sometimes we just need to reflect upon our own actions. Is what you've been doing all along the right thing to do? Have you been hurting people along the way? Is this how you want to become of? Have you gone overboard in your jokes and actions? Just for all the laughter generated, is it the right way to go about generating that laughter among friends? Sacrificing innocent friends/acquaintances of yours? Have you been what you want to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing?
I know all the above answers are no in my own opinion. I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be like I'm now. I don't like to behave like this, I don't like to behave like a bitch. I feel guilty and bad about what I've been doing.
Please change yourself, Diona. (:
(Yes people, I'm not emo-ing. I'm perfectly fine. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm just self-reflecting.)
Good night love.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
#15: feeling a lil all over the place. (:
I've only been up for about 2 hours, since 2pm. Ate my lunch, but I'm still having my craves. I want Macdonalds' Grilled Chicken Teppanyaki Burger! But not seaweed shaker fries please, I don't have interest in that! ):
And this this this, I see this advertisement on the TV commercials all the time. Its making me crave for the black pepper chicken too! Damnit. ):
Who wanna settle my craves with me for dinner next week?! After school, Macdonalds/KFC, anybody?! CWP?! (:
And, I haven't watched New Moon Saga yet! I want to watch it too, anyone haven't watched it yet? Am I slow or what, read the book version but not yet finished it too.
I wanna see Edward and Bella's love story! No spoilers from the movie pleaseeeeeeee. Thank you! ):
Bet you guys have heard Michael Buble's new songs somewhere? I'm addicted to the new song "Haven't met you yet".
I'm Not Surprised Not Everything Lasts I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, I Stop Keeping Track. Talk Myself In I Talk Myself Out I Get All Worked Up And Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It I Came Up With A Million Excuses I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility
And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Mmmmm ....
I Might Have To Wait I'll Never Give Up I Guess It's Half Timing And The Other Half's Luck Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Possibility
Mmmmm ......
And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet
They Say All's Fair And In Love And War But I Won't Need To Fight It We'll Get It Right And We'll Be United
And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility
Mmmm .....
And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out And I'll Work To Work It Out Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get
Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet
I Just Haven't Met You Yet Oh Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Haven't been feeling good these few days. Keep having this "I'm gonna fall sick soon" feeling. And I'm getting irritated by my brother smoking at home! Fuck it, I hate the smell a lot, I don't want to be a passive smoker please! Then I might as well go smoke since I die faster living as a passive smoker?! =.=
I don't know what to do about my hair anymoreeee! But I don't want to cut it short or trim it too much. But its drying, and the ends are sooo dried upppp! I don't like, any recommendations on what hair products is good?! ):
Waiting for the charity show at 730pm on Channel U tonight! School's at 830am tomorrow, I'm gonna try to make it early. Marketing Competition is gonna add on to the stress of FYP soon too! Great Diona, how great it is to add to your overpowering stresssss. Its just stacking up and your FYP is nowhere near completed! But Diona, for your testimonial, for your better futureeeee. (:
I'm gonna bake on Wednesday after my FYP. OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIPS COOKIES. Hope it turns out better than the previous time. (:
As I'm typing away, I'm suffocating from the cigarette smell. Can't he just open the door and smoke outside of the house instead?! Its getting far too irritating for me, I'm dead serious! DAMN.
TIME IS FLYING, I JUST WAVED HELLO TO DECEMBER A WHILE AGO. AND NOW ITS THE 6TH ALREADY. TIME SAT ON A ROCKET OR WHAT?!
Okay, off for other things. GOODBYE.
"I do my best, God do the best!"
Thursday, December 3, 2009
#14: when school bores me.
What the hell, I came home to this. Letter from the almighty Republic Polytechnic again. =.=
Okay, thanks to my FYP team mate. I got SGD$6 of school library fines in my account. Crap Crap Crap. What the hell. Waste my money. jitao sian diao.
Check out my Week 8's daily grades. The red brackets represents me being Late. There you go, late for 2 modules in a week. And all my As are flying far away from me already. ):
I want more As for this semester. I need to REALLY improve on my punctuality.
See, this is even better stuffs! Check out my attendance summaries for the 4 modules. Marketing module is certainly the "best" out of the best huh. double sian.
School is crap. I'm so tired of school. But glad at least I've my friends with me. (:
RJ time. I feel so full and fat now. *burps*
GOODBYE. AND HI BITCH, I know you're reading now! (:
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
#13: rocket speed.
HAHA, I'm bored so I'm here to update again. Hello December 2nd, its FYP Week 9 today. Time flies, 6 more weeks to go and project will be put to a stop and the stressful assessment is here again. How I wish I can just skip it. But its not possible, just pray hard for my project to be a success. Lots of hard work for third year. Whoever said final year in RP is easy, come try it yourself, screwhead.
So, just yesterday my classmates started going crazy over the Flying Dog game in facebook. Watch how they get so excited over that game, I'm not in the video, but okay. I admit I do behave like that in class too. FUNNY. (:
I REALLY LOVE MY CLASS A LOT NOW. A BUNCH OF FUNNY PEOPLE, ALWAYS MAKING ME LAUGH LIKE MAD. CAN'T IMAGINE HOW LIFE AFTER I GRADUATE WILL BE. ):
Whoever is in the video, don't kill me okay. For entertainment purpose. HEHE. (:
Looking back at the photos taken on my handphone, I starts to miss my old hair, those extended ones. They used to be so long, I miss it now. I want my long extended hair back. Ah, hair grow hair, all healthy and long please!
But no way am I going to get extensions again, they damaged my hair, my hair couldn't grow out. I survived on my extensions for about 2 years odd then, didn't even want to remove it, until they got all tangled up and messy. My hair just ended up breaking. You can never imagine how much hair I lost while trying to remove them. It was disastrous. ):
And I certainly miss how much slimmer I looked then. Look at my legs then, not very slim, not very nice but at least it feels longer and slimmer than currently. Can't blame it, my meals in school is pretty much irregular and junky. Potato wedges every first break with sandwich, what to expect. Mango Milkshake is a weight and body killer too. Need to kick that habit. ):
I'm bored still, I'm waiting for my food to get digested. I developed a habit, I don't sleep 2 - 3 hours after my dinner straight. So, here I'm waiting. Gonna go do my face shop egg white mask in a few minutes' time. After this post. (:
Meow. I'm going to bake cookies soon I guess.
This time round, I'm going for Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies. The first time I had wanted to try it, but couldn't find the rolled oats, now that I found it. I can start trying to bake my oatmeal cookies now. Thought oatmeal alone would be pretty tasteless, so I'm either adding nuts/raisins/chocolate chips to it. Hope it turns out well. Most probably baking on weekends, when the kitchen can be used by me for the whole afternoon. (:
Going for healthier cookies. Might be substituting the plain flour with wholemeal flour this time round. Not gonna include egg yolks too, egg whites as substitutes. HEHE. (:
Okay, beauty time. Mask mask mask under the air con. SHIOK. GOODBYE BABY.
Hello Stranger,
Hi, I'm Diona Nicole. I'm onto my 21st this year. I'm a true blue Virgo. It takes time to understand the real me, I don't open up to just anyone. My close ones are those who've seen the other part of me. Friends are my treasures, I thank them for making the efforts to understand me.
I love shopping and days/nights out with my friends, but I'm always penniless. I'm very much a pampered girl under my parents' covers. I need to grow out of it, someday. I have a boyfriend, we get along good. I love you, Baby J.
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