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Monday, November 16, 2009
#07: my life stinks.
Today was our FYP mid term assessment, but some reasons which I shouldn't reveal, it was screwed up. very much screwed up in my point of view. but I don't even think there's a chance for me to make it up anymore, its over. so yeah, just crap it and get on with life. you didn't know how disappointed I was when I finished the mid term assessment just now during the second break. it was a total disappointment, I could sense that my supervisor was not very pleased too, I could hear him sighing and he definitely looked disappointed, even my team mates said so. his comments really wrecked my heart too. I was so disappointed and thought I shown my emotions out too obvious just now.I'm sorry, I felt unhappy and upset with myself too. why didn't we put in more efforts? why didn't you push yourself harder and just endure through. when the hell are you gonna be putting your heart down to work, diona? this way you can never succeed. this is week 7. FYP week 7, 8 more weeks to go to our final assessment. no joke. when I put my heart down to do something, I expect to achieve good outcomes. if not, I don't even want to work. and when its not working, I get upset. I guess thats a weak point of me, my mood gets swinged around very much. I show my emotions on my face, I get upset a little too easily. I expect a little too much from myself. I handle stress the wrong way. I break easily. I contradict myself too much. I don't know what I want. right now, the only thing I look forward to is this coming Friday. perhaps that's the time where I can really let down everything and just enjoy myself with my class. at least many of my loves will be there, by my loves I mean my classmates. I swear by myself I really do appreciate them and thank god for them to be in my class for the final semester of my rp life. they made lessons better for me, they turned my boring school life downside up. we teased each other, we play and fool around, we take photos, we talk nonsense. we disturb but don't get mad at each other. even though sometimes I act like I'm angry with them, but actual fact I'm not. (: marketing class seems to be getting better, but my punctuality is still a major problem. since week one of marketing lesson, until now its week 6 and I haven't been early for my friday lesson for a single time. I failed terribly in that, other days I say I'm doing fine. in fact early for class on usual days. just friday, I can't get past. I know I need to try harder. but 830 lesson, its been long since I woke up as early as 5 plus in the morning. I guess my sleepy spells just refuses to let me get up early. and recently, I spotted it myself. I didn't need my friends to remind me or to point it out to me to realize, that recently I've been more vulgar than ever before. this is bad, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing, I need to kick that habit. I know I'm doing it a little too much, and I don't want to be doing that too. I don't like it when I turn so vulgar. I just need a bit more of self discipline to do so. I know I can do it, I need to be more refined. females are not supposed to behave this way. let me slowly take it bit by bit, I'm sure I can kick that habit soon. school is suck, FYP is suckier. put in more efforts, more efforts in your work. what else can I say. emotions wise, I'm not in total control of it. there's something bothering me a whole lot, I know its stupid to be thinking, and I can't seem to cast it aside. I'm very tired, very very tired. I just wanna slip into a deep deep sleep. not having to care about anything for a while. and come back when I'm ready for the world. good night, world. I wish I could have a long sleep, and wake up to a fresh new year. |
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